internet dating and the horrors
What is it about internet dating? I live in a place where internet dating is seen as strange and peculiar, (now seen as almost too commonplace for everyone in the U.S.). It's increasing popularity has had me thinking about the particular kind of etiquette issues it poses and mistinterpretation with communication and this new, fluid technology.
Mistinerpretation. Without the obvious presence of another, it's too easy to mistinterpret what is being said into something highly undesirable. Perhaps as human beings, it's our natural instinct to think the worst of a situation before raising our hopes. A bit nihilistic, but it seems to be the best explanation at the moment. When someone says something vaguely suggestive as to insult you, it can be guarded with intonation of voice, body gesture, eye contact etc. Without all these aids, we depend wholly and completely on the text. Weight on words. It seems we have gone backwards again.
Or have we?
Illusion. What is it about internet dating that scares everyone off? So alluring, so mysterious...at least until we put the picture next to what it is we've been typing to. Let's develop a situation. If you were typing to someone, discovering that they were 'interesting', not having seen them before you naturally develop a mental image of what this person may be. It might not be a complete picture, but small fragments developed on what it is that you *think* you know about them. An impression, an impressionist painting if you like.
How can your imagination possibly compete with the person that has been communicating and typing with you? If your image is one of great mystery, flexibility, something intangible. It is impossible. Suppose the person you have been talking to ends up as a look alike of angelina jolie, or that model of the front of GQ. Even then, once it becomes solid, the illusion is broken.
I wouldn't go so far as to say it's dangerous. But it does set up an unusual illusion - one set up for almost inevitable dissappointment. Mainly because nothing can compete with the fluidity and endless imagination of a human being.
More on illusion. One of the most alluring issues about the internet is it's anonymity, it's ability to reinvent itself like a woman. That might sound like a load of crock to you, but when you think of how easy it is to disguise oneself, to escape from the mould that people have categorized and caged you into - it seems appealing.
I noted a book where a woman wrote of her 'scandalous' affairs with random strangers she'd met on the internet. It's easy to be someone else. It's a schizophrenic's dream come true. I'm not alluding or suggesting it to be bad, but rather that the chameleon like nature of the internet allows for all types for ... interesting behaviour in a human being. Critics write about ethical issues on the internet and how to govern them. The beauty of the internet, is that there are none. It's too fluid. The government can be undermined on here. The Yes men intercept organizations like that through the internet. It's too easy.
More on internet dating. You can be ceremoniously dumped the one day, mistinerpreted the next. Yet you can never know what it is the other feels. Never understand if the other abhors or ardently admires you by looking at body language. There is none. Of course, if we take into account the camera that's another issue in itself. A different level of communication - a way to act, to be looked at to be gazed upon. A leo fantasy. A narcisstic tendency. You watch, and they watch themselves on the screen.
You can lie through your teeth say you're a cabaret dancer and the successful author of three self help books. Nobody will know the better. You can change genders. So internet dating you can understand, makes me a little apprehensive, knowing all of the above. While it's easy to say, 'let's forget and pretend for a moment all of the above is not true, let's believe the person that we're communicating with is telling the truth', some of the above does hold true. This will for many people who forget it's not the same as seeing someone in real life. It never will be. You don't say, 'ASL', and you don't judge a person based on 'their pic'. (Which with the help of a little airbrushing can change you looking from barbara streisand look alike to Halle Berry goddess).
It develops it's own language. ASL, PIC, becomes the broad status. Which kind of kills the fluid nature of internet communication. The openess of it at least. It's besides the point. Anybody with a lack of imagination and second hand writing skills is immediately put at the back of the line. I'm not saying we should all live in a utopian world where everything should dance fluidly and nothing should be governed. Neither do i think it should be governed completely.
Well, i'll be leaving it at that.
Mistinerpretation. Without the obvious presence of another, it's too easy to mistinterpret what is being said into something highly undesirable. Perhaps as human beings, it's our natural instinct to think the worst of a situation before raising our hopes. A bit nihilistic, but it seems to be the best explanation at the moment. When someone says something vaguely suggestive as to insult you, it can be guarded with intonation of voice, body gesture, eye contact etc. Without all these aids, we depend wholly and completely on the text. Weight on words. It seems we have gone backwards again.
Or have we?
Illusion. What is it about internet dating that scares everyone off? So alluring, so mysterious...at least until we put the picture next to what it is we've been typing to. Let's develop a situation. If you were typing to someone, discovering that they were 'interesting', not having seen them before you naturally develop a mental image of what this person may be. It might not be a complete picture, but small fragments developed on what it is that you *think* you know about them. An impression, an impressionist painting if you like.
How can your imagination possibly compete with the person that has been communicating and typing with you? If your image is one of great mystery, flexibility, something intangible. It is impossible. Suppose the person you have been talking to ends up as a look alike of angelina jolie, or that model of the front of GQ. Even then, once it becomes solid, the illusion is broken.
I wouldn't go so far as to say it's dangerous. But it does set up an unusual illusion - one set up for almost inevitable dissappointment. Mainly because nothing can compete with the fluidity and endless imagination of a human being.
More on illusion. One of the most alluring issues about the internet is it's anonymity, it's ability to reinvent itself like a woman. That might sound like a load of crock to you, but when you think of how easy it is to disguise oneself, to escape from the mould that people have categorized and caged you into - it seems appealing.
I noted a book where a woman wrote of her 'scandalous' affairs with random strangers she'd met on the internet. It's easy to be someone else. It's a schizophrenic's dream come true. I'm not alluding or suggesting it to be bad, but rather that the chameleon like nature of the internet allows for all types for ... interesting behaviour in a human being. Critics write about ethical issues on the internet and how to govern them. The beauty of the internet, is that there are none. It's too fluid. The government can be undermined on here. The Yes men intercept organizations like that through the internet. It's too easy.
More on internet dating. You can be ceremoniously dumped the one day, mistinerpreted the next. Yet you can never know what it is the other feels. Never understand if the other abhors or ardently admires you by looking at body language. There is none. Of course, if we take into account the camera that's another issue in itself. A different level of communication - a way to act, to be looked at to be gazed upon. A leo fantasy. A narcisstic tendency. You watch, and they watch themselves on the screen.
You can lie through your teeth say you're a cabaret dancer and the successful author of three self help books. Nobody will know the better. You can change genders. So internet dating you can understand, makes me a little apprehensive, knowing all of the above. While it's easy to say, 'let's forget and pretend for a moment all of the above is not true, let's believe the person that we're communicating with is telling the truth', some of the above does hold true. This will for many people who forget it's not the same as seeing someone in real life. It never will be. You don't say, 'ASL', and you don't judge a person based on 'their pic'. (Which with the help of a little airbrushing can change you looking from barbara streisand look alike to Halle Berry goddess).
It develops it's own language. ASL, PIC, becomes the broad status. Which kind of kills the fluid nature of internet communication. The openess of it at least. It's besides the point. Anybody with a lack of imagination and second hand writing skills is immediately put at the back of the line. I'm not saying we should all live in a utopian world where everything should dance fluidly and nothing should be governed. Neither do i think it should be governed completely.
Well, i'll be leaving it at that.
posted by shakespeareslove at 3:23 PM
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